Never be afraid to stand up for yourself! You know when someone insults your soul because it hurts in a way that makes you doubt yourself and goes against what you know to be true to your core, to your life energy. You are worth a relationship that feeds your soul, supports your dreams and thoughts, and is kind to your standards from their heart to your heart, not just their idea of what a relationship is…
You are your best advocate. If you feel like you’ve been insulted, odds are, you have. If you feel like you’re being belittled, odds are, you are.
Common symptoms of being controlled and manipulated:
- If you find yourself dropping friends and taking on his/her friends
- If you find you’ve changed your clothing, shoes and certain physical aspects of yourself for his/her appeasement
- If you pass off his/her passive aggressive behaviors as “oh that’s just part of who he/she is”
- If you find yourself making excuses for his/her insensitivity towards your feelings over anything
- If you find yourself thinking about the nice things he/she does for you as a compensation for the shitty things he/she says or does
- If he/she buys items for you that may be more appropriate for his/her comfort level, not yours (i.e) certain types of shoes, clothes, music selections, etc.)
- If you have tell yourself “oh they are just a wounded little child on the inside, I understand”. Well, we’re all little children on the inside and that is no excuse for abusing your kind heart
- If you’re on his/her time frame. Your events in life are of non-importance and any inconvenience you have is ridiculous on your part – NOT!
- If his/her family doesn’t really like your partner. There could be a reason why. Not always, but listen to what they are saying
- If you are not allowed to have friends of the same sex due to the others insecurities (this includes your job, workout environment, school functions, etc)
- If you are bullied out of your beliefs through belittling and zero compassion from where you came or even the kindness to listen with a full compassionate heart
- If your partner uses phrases like “do it for me”, “women/men your age don’t…fill in the blank of whatever applies”, “if you loved me, you’d…” “That’s not normal” and other fun phrases that make you believe you’re the one who needs to change.
- If your partner cannot apologize because they really believe no matter what they say or do, they don’t owe you any recognition of your feelings
- If you feel relaxed in your time alone and he/she just wants to know why you need time to yourself
- If he/she implements double standards like it’s OK for them to go away with their friends but not you, because men/women may be predators to you
- If your partner tries to control circumstances for their convenience and steam rolls over anyone in the process, that’s a NO Bueno!
Nothing can trump compassion and understanding from you partner in a relationship, however, if their means of communication is really a source of control and passive aggressive banter, how loving is that really?
It’s hard to admit that we all make poor choices in mates sometimes. Be your own best friend and advocate of self. YOURSELF!
I have been there and it just rubs me the wrong way to see it happen to someone else. Especially when he/she has children as well. One can only hide their true nature for so long and then like a balloon that pops, you realize you’ve been manipulated out of things you believe, who you are, what you want, torn down and built back up to someone elses’ model of you.
Do what feels right to you, to your heart, to your soul, to your gut. Ignoring the little voice on the inside doesn’t make anothers violating behavior dissipate, it only feeds your little voice a louder tone that can eventually burst into dis-ease, dis-comfort and dis-cord with one’s true happy self.
OBEY THE LITTLE VOICE!